And I’ve decided I need to start writing, or something like that, again.
I need to write down my reflection of this year.
1- love lost
2- love gained
4- white men
5- grad school
6- amazing friends
7- supportive family
8- Amazing God!
That is my year, 2012!
And the reason for it all is that I loved you and its partially my fault for always falling too quickly and praying to God that the other person will catch me. But I’ve learned to take love, the idea of it, the act of it, and the emotions that comprise of it, slowly.
As I have forgiven you, I pray that you forgive me as well for not falling back into something that caused me pain. Something that broke me apart on so many different occasions, but i tried so hard to hide it because i didn’t want to lose you, even if it was just as a friend. You have taught me so much about being good to others and for that I thank you. I’ve become emotionally, physically, and spiritually stronger. I now understand that loving myself and loving others supersedes any forces that may ever cause a person pain. And for that I pray that you never find pain in love and that it always welcomes you with open arms.
“The way I’m acting is honest for once, and not pretending like everything is great and peachy between us. You messed up, you apologized, I’ve forgiven you. And I’ve reflected on it enough to know that I’ve been hurt once too often to hold onto any pain. And the only way to be okay with what happened and has happened is for me to be honest with my reality and how I choose to interact with people on a daily basis. It may seem confusing or childish to you, but for once I’m actually content with my life because I’ve been honest to myself and those around me. I am sorry if you do not understand that.”
Realizing your worth and beauty is definitely the best feeling ever!!!!
To the black man that called me beautiful, the Moroccan man that called me pretty and said I smelled like heaven, and the European man that called me pretty and perfect.
All in one night in the same lounge. Thank you!
& it seems that the 7 seas alone were made of your tears & the clouded judgment of yours rose to the sky with you feeling blue. & if I could I would shake the earth and have it reveal to you its secrets but the privileged information lies within us and the key belongs to lost hearts awaiting their…
“Now I been so blinded by this thought cuz you’re in my mind
But I have my prize cuz a real love can be impossible to find
I had a blue print and not a building
Until you put your hand in mine
And showed me all I need in this life
When all I ever needed
Was a good man
A lover and a best friend
Someone to forgive me when I’m so wrong
And remind me what welcome home
Is applied to
Love, love, love
Anything can be love
And anywhere can be home
Anywhere can be home ” - Elle Varner
May Allah remove any anger and bitterness within my heart. May He help me to guard my heart until the one He deems to be the best spouse for me walks into my life. And may He show me signs that it is then okay to lower the walls that have been built around my heart.